Those friends who know me well, the ones who have seen my dark side, now and again inform me that I am a pessimist. I, on the other hand, believe myself to be more correctly labeled a Realist.
Truth is that I often do tend to see the dark side of the picture. Constant, cheerful smiles just make me tired. I mean, sure, smile and be happy, but in moderation for pity's sake! Maybe that is just me, being my twisted self. I have to fight the urge to go down the windy, hopeless path way more often than I care to admit. That "Pollyanna" cheerfulness is not even tempting on most days.
So, sure. I can accept that I might be a tad pessimistic, but I am also Realistic. I do not expect money to fall out of the sky, and sure enough, it does not! I do not expect only good things to happen in my life, and right on yet again!
Of course, I will also freely admit that this outlook on life can cause me a lot of trouble. At times, it helps me keep walking in a straight line and gives me the ability to just Do.The.Next.Thing. In some odd way it might even sometimes help me to just be content with the stuff I have instead of wishing for bigger and better. BUT. This also means that sometimes things like darkness and depression weigh heavily on my spirit and threaten to squeeze the life right out of me. That is not a good thing.
And, then there are days when I get to travel the quiet country road, and somehow that helps to bring equilibrium and vibrancy to whatever is at this moment.
I was hoping for a bright, clear day so I could see for miles and miles because I was thinking the dampness in my life was just making everything too soggy and wet. I needed to be air-dried, and filled with sunshine. What I got instead was mist. And, surprisingly, that was just what I needed.
Isn't God great like that??
And isn't that more true to life anyway? Mostly God expects us to trust that He knows what lies ahead, and to trust that He will clear the path as we just walk on. He mostly does not allow us to see for hundreds of miles or years into the future. He wants us to just walk, rest, enjoy, and trust.
And in the midst of the daily mist, sometimes He brings color and cheer just because He can. I think it might also have something to do with Him just wanting us to know that He likes us, and He wants us to enjoy the walk.
I was encouraged in my soul to embrace the now, even the fumbling, hardships, and disappointments. This life I have... It's what I've got. I do not want to waste it, and come to the end of it wishing I had just LIVED more. Sure the bills need to be paid. Sure there are mice in the apartment. Sure I wish I could afford a place in Long Island City. Sure there is never enough money for ice cream. Sure the laundry needs washing. Sure. Sure. Sure.
But there is also so much good. There is a princess who reciprocates my love. There is wind and fresh air. There is ability to breathe. There is coffee.
There is a great God in heaven who loves ME!! Yes, He loves me in spite of the fact that I often see black when I should see white, that I whine a LOT, that I am often jealous of what others have that I don't have.
So I must learn to lean into each and every circumstance. To not look at the hill I must climb as a dreadful obstacle, but as a glorious adventure. To allow God to shape, form, mold me into who He wants me to be. Because He has a plan for ME. It might look different from what I imagined, or from what others have, but it's okay because I was custom-made. We all were!
So I must walk on because the path that was made just for me really does hold a lot of beauty. If only I train my eyes to see the beauty instead of bumps.